Guilt.

I've read about 100 pages of The Year of Living Biblically and it's making me feel guilty for a) not reading the Bible (I have no idea what the hell the guy is talking about half the time. Every two seconds I think "the book of what?") and not going to church. I don't remember the last time I went to church.

My connection with religion is weird. I believe in the basis of what I'm supposed to but don't agree with half of what the church says/does. I went to the Vatican when I was in Europe and felt like most Catholics do when they make the trek there (the Pope spoke to us and then it started pouring on is...we blamed Morgan because she's Jewish and "God got mad that there's a Jew at the Vatican." Ha. Still one of my favorite quotes from Fall 2007). I like the story of Jesus's birth and how people in other countries do recreations of it, and I hate when non-Christians celebrate Christmas. We sell The Willow Tree products at work, and there's a replica of the Nativity Scene that I kind of want because it's pretty (The Willow Tree line in general is wonderful), with a two foot tall Mary and a bunch of animals and the like. The Nativy Scene we have at home is, honest to God, one of mice. A little mouse Mary, a baby mouse Jesus, three Wise Mice, etc. They're all clothed, Jesus mouse is in a manger. I forget when my mom and I found it, but I made her buy the entire scene. I've always had an obsession with human-esque animals, which is one of the reasons I have always loved Disney movies.

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell. I've broken a bunch of commandments already (and I had to look on Wikipedia to see what they actually are, in order.

1. I am the Lord your god, you shall have no other gods before me.
Given the choice between a Jesus statue and an ice cream cone, I'm pretty sure I'd take the ice cream cone.

2. You shall not make wrongful use of the name your God.
Do it everyday. "Oh my god" comes out of my mouth almost as much as "that's like that Friends episode."

3. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
I have to leave for work in a couple of hours. Day of rest and rememberance? Nope.

4. Honor your mother and father.
My philosophy when I was little was "you yell at me, I'll yell back." And that only applied to my parents. Outside my house, I was perfection. Inside my house, I was a demon.

5. You shall not kill.
Bugs only.

6. You shall not commit adultery.
This one apparently includes lusting, masturbation, homosexuality, premarital sex, divorce, and birth control. Which means I've broken it, as well as 99% of the people I know, and most of America.

7. You shall not steal.
Hannah Montana sunglasses in WalMart and a bunch of postcards from a museum in London.

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
I'm not a great liar, but I can do it if necessary.

9. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
Oops?

10. Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
I'm the most jealous person I know. I covet everything.


Oy.

But really, the book is very good. I promise.